Sex and the City Myths & Lessons: Smoke Show

He doesn’t know your dirty little habit, does he? You have been keeping this from him for a long time and it’s been driving you crazy. It’s just that you really like him and you don’t want this small thing to get in the way so it’s better if he doesn’t know. I mean people keep secrets…right?!

In this episode Carrie meets Aiden (ugh I never liked him), at his furniture store for the first time. Carrie thinks that there is nothing wrong with telling a little white lie every now and then as long as it doesn’t hurt anyone. At the end of their first date while sitting on the front steps of her brownstone Carrie reaches for her beloved Belmonts and lights up. To Carrie’s dismay, Aiden informs her that he will not date a smoker. It was nice to meet her but this relationship can’t go any further. Carrie couldn’t believe what happened. Not only that, she really liked him. She decides to stop by his store that week and explain to him that she only smokes after a few cocktails and had been planning to quit; no time like the present. She opens her purse to show Aiden that there are no cigarettes. He agrees to give her a chance and asks her if she would like to spend the afternoon with him. It turns into a day date and evening date; a whole day with out her Belmonts and Carrie finds herself craving a cigarette. Later that evening when she thinks the coast is clear she tells Aiden she has to step out for a minute. Happy to finally reunite with her best friend Belmonte Carrie lights up. While she is in nicotine bliss Aiden comes outside to look for her and catches her in the act. He doesn’t give Carrie a chance to explain herself and tells her he just can’t accept it. If you want to see what happens you can watch this episode on HBO.

This got me thinking about the lies we tell someone so they will like us. You meet a really great guy and maybe he isn’t a drinker but you are. So you decide to pretend and only drink water when he is around. He doesn’t need to know that you enjoy a good Gin and you and your friends love a good party. We all lie about something, even our eating habits. He’s a vegan and you are the ultimate carnivore. What he doesn’t see won’t kill him right? How long can you keep the lie going? I have always believed that you should never audition to be in someone’s life. If you have to play a character to get their attention or their love you should question who you have chosen to love. I know this is easier said than done, but life feels a lot better when you can be yourself. Maybe, you do have some bad habits that aren’t that good for and you have recognized this. Your choice to give them up should be for your benefit because if you don’t care about your well-being why should anyone else. Be who you are from day one. I know this is a foreign way of being because so many of us have become good at playing different roles. Unfortunately, you don’t get an oscar for best actor when it comes to dating or falling in love. If you want the real thing you have to be just that, real…you feel me!


We all know Carrie’s short non-smoking stint didn’t last very long and neither did her relationship with Aiden. The truth is she enjoyed smoking ( I am not a smoker and I think it’s a nasty habit, but it’s your lungs) and this is what it comes down to. When you begin to give up the things you enjoy to be with someone in the long run it won’t work. Obviously, I encourage you to give up all those joyful things that can and will kill you. I just think the reason why so many marriages and relationships don’t make it¬†anymore is plain and simple… we are all liars. One lie turns into many more lies as you try to hold together what you think you have. The truth is you don’t have anything but the lie you created and it feels empty and will never lead to long lasting happiness. Try something new, I know it’s not cool; be yourself. Most importantly, love yourself enough that when someone you fancy comes along, they will recognize this and love you because you are you.

 

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Hanifa Sekandi

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