Why We Keep Going Back To What’s Comfortable?

Some of us are aware that we do this, we go back to that space in our life when things aren’t going the way we want. A space that isn’t the best place for us to dwell but it’s a place and space that we know quite well. A space that always welcomes us no matter what. For me, when let’s say I am worried or having a bad week, my comfortable space is negative thoughts and self-doubt. It’s a space I have found comfort in for so many years that I didn’t realize it until maybe a few years ago that this comfortable space isn’t a place I should go to nor should anyone. For some people their safe space is anger. When things aren’t going their way, or maybe they are in denial about something, they become angry, everything irritates them, generally, they are just pissed off at life. But this feeling and this space they know so they go there and live there because it’s been reliable to them and safe. Some people revert to the comfort of self-loathing. They run to this dark space where they think the world is against them, and no one gets them. ‘Woe is me’ is their favourite mantra. You won’t feel sorry for them but they sure as hell feel sorry for themselves; this is their place of comfort. Pushing people away through destructive behaviour.

We do this in relationships, we do this in work, we do this pretty much whenever life throws us curve balls that offend our ego or knocks us off our imaginary pedestal. Our place of comfort is where we create excuses, it’s where we lie to ourselves and shield ourselves from the truth. As you know, the truth is a powerful force and not even our safe space can protect us from it. Eventually, we will have to face what we are running from. Eventually what leads us running to this place of comfort will find it’s way to this comfortable space no matter how hard we try to push it away. I am sure you know this, you can’t live the life you are truly meant to live if you always choose comfort over discomfort. You need to push yourself beyond limits, don’t have limits. You need to understand you will always be scared of something that may or may not happen. This doesn’t mean you need to give into fear.

I say this a lot, we are energy, our thoughts, our feelings are energy. What you think and feel will become your entire existence. Every time you run to your safe space where angry thoughts prevail, self-doubt is warmth or destructive behaviour soothes you, this is what you become. This is what your life will look like. Do you ask your self why? Why is my life like this? I am not talking about unforeseen circumstances beyond your control. Life will happen. I am referring to you, how you navigate through life. Your thoughts, your actions, who you love, the company you keep and the choices you make or the choices you don’t make.


It’s Time To Turn The Page.

When you decide to come face to face with your own bullsh**t your comfortable space will become the toxic friend that you have been championing for too long. You know they’re no good. You know they bring you down and have never brought out the best in you. You know they only like you when you’re down and never celebrate you when you’re up. But you keep them around because there is a part of you that likes knowing that at least one thing in life will stay that same. There’s comfort in knowing that no matter what’s going on in life one thing will stay consistent.

I have to tell you that as much as I love consistency as much as everyone else, I know that change must happen. When change happens you have to find a new rhythm to move to and recognize that sometimes consistency is stagnancy. It would great for all of us to go back to the greatest moments in our life and live this way forever. There are people you’ve experienced great moments with that you wish could have stayed forever, then again how do we know that we would really appreciate these great moments if it’s all we ever knew. How would growth take place? How would we evolve if everything was perfect and stayed the same? Even in the greatest times and moments, we may still not be our best selves or living our greatest potential. We need something whether it’s good or bad to push us there.

We have to learn to be okay with the discomfort of the unknown. If you don’t know, you will know soon enough that you can only control so much so practice the art of letting go. Your comfortable space wants you to hold onto the past, hold onto false ideas. Hold onto what’s not good for you. Your comfortable space is a liar and your the fool for thinking it’s your dearest friend. The good news is that you aren’t trapped here forever. Remember this is a choice. You chose this space so it’s up to you to leave it behind. This doesn’t mean you can’t find a new safe space. We all need a place to go to. A place where we can unwind mentally and recharge. The difference between these spaces is that one encourages the worst in you and the other one nourishes you and propels you forward. Move forward.


Embrace Discomfort.

Everything about pursuing your life’s purpose is uncomfortable. That’s not to say it’s a miserable quest. It’s just not that easy and getting there or living it comes with many challenges that will make you feel quite uncomfortable in every way. You will question if you are good enough, you will question if you are worthy. You will wonder if you are walking blindly somewhere…where?… in vain. Your intuition will guide you so trust it. Your intuition will tell you if you are going the wrong way and steer you back in the right direction. But your intuition can’t help you if you choose not to listen and your intuition doesn’t live in the place of comfort that you keep going back to. The place that feeds your ego. The place that prevents you from moving. The place that feeds off of negativity, the place that has caused you to miss out on many great things in life.

You read stories about entrepreneurs who ate the same thing every day for a year or slept on a couch, their only piece of furniture for a few years. Uncomfortable, unbearable but just what they needed. You hear these great stories that started from discomfort and in your mind, from what you can see is now a reality that’s full of great comfort and pleasure. How did they get there? How do I get there? You must walk the path that’s meant to take you there and this path will not be smooth. It will require you to work for it. So you feel worthy and deserving of it. It will require you to dig within and trust that yes you will be okay. It will require you to toss out old comfortable thought patterns and behaviours. It will require you to move, let go, cry and shed layers of armor. It will require you to emotionally undress so everyone can see you and what you are made of and what you can be. It will require you to be vulnerable, raw. This my friends is discomfort. It’s time for you to get to know it if you really want to step into the life you are destined to live.


Challenge Your Comfort.

Maybe today, you are having a bad day. Perhaps it has been bad for a year or a few for you. Life isn’t it something?! To know the meaning of it all, wouldn’t we all like to know? What I want for you and myself as well, is to steer clear of that comfort zone that keeps you stuck. That ruins little good things that come your way. That prevents you from trying again. That prevents you from loving again. That prevents you from believing in yourself. You have to believe in yourself. You have to know that you have a purpose. You have to know that you are good. You have to know that you are love, love yourself truly and deeply. Challenge what was once comfortable by catching yourself when find yourself running to comforts door. Challenge yourself to create a new space that welcomes discomfort and makes you see what’s really preventing you from doing all the things you have wanted to do.

Stop making excuses, stop being so angry, stop hiding, stop doing all those comfortable self-destructive things. You decide where comfort lives, it can either be a place that challenges you so you can be your best or a place that feeds your ego and leaves you right where you are right now; angry, miserable, self-loathing and alone.

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Hanifa Sekandi

Founder & Editor-in-Chief Follow Me on Instagram @thethingsiwishiknew

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