Why Disappointment Is Inevitable

You’re going to be disappointed more times than you desire in your lifetime. I am sure there are many disappointments you can think of from last year, some MAJOR and others small. You could live on Mars and you still won’t escape disappointment. If you don’t believe me watch The Martian with Matt Damon, there’s a scene in this movie where he discovers that all his delicious crops have died, his only food source! Such disappointment. What’s that saying, ” you can never escape two things in life, death, and taxes”. Well, you can’t escape disappointment either. Maybe your taxes…ha! This morning I woke up, all is well and sunny in my world. I accidentally hurt my foot getting out of the bath…damn it. It hurts, I am a little disappointed that this may cramp my running plans for a few days but I guess I can do hot yoga instead – small disappointment and a simple solution. I could either dwell on it, stare at my swollen toe all day or get my day going as usual.

Here’s the thing, there’s nothing you can do in most cases. My advice, simply put, don’t dwell on it. If there’s a way out of disappointment then find it. Whether it’s putting yourself in a good mood or changing things around for the better. Always ask yourself what I can or what can we learn from this. There’s always a lesson in everything we do, the good and the bad. It’s important that we live actively and continue to absorb these lessons every day. The things beyond your control, are just that. It’s a matter of what you do. What are you going to do today, in this moment that will shape the rest of your day, your week, your life? Will this setback be the end of you or will it be the beginning of something new? Something better?

When you were little and you took your first steps, for instance, you fell many times. Something that looked so easy for others was quite difficult for you. You wanted to walk so you could go wherever you wanted to wreak havoc. You were on a mission, so you got up and you fell over and over again. Sometimes your cried, you were disappointed with yourself. Back then, even if your little mind wasn’t too pleased with your lack of mobility you knew there was no other option but to try again. Fast forward to now, why have you forgotten the simplicity of this, that there is no other option but to get up again?! To not let situations or people stop you from stepping forward.

I’ve got bad news to tell you, people will disappoint you. There’s no way around this. Either your expectations of them are too high and they continue to fall short. Or they will make promises and never keep them, they may lie to you, betray you, even steal from you. They will say horrible things, yes words will hurt you; will hurt us. Doesn’t sound so positive does it?! But it’s the truth and don’t look at this real truth as a bad thing. Nobody is perfect and at some point, you will disappoint someone knowingly or unknowingly. This doesn’t mean that good non-disappointing people don’t exist, they do. Disappointment isn’t black and white and a person who disappoints you may come through for others. It’s another strange but true truth. You will experience people who say so many things but never seem fo come through for you, it’s disappointing I know. Don’t let this make you bitter or cynical. Your reaction to any given circumstance is your choice. How you allow things to manifest in your life, it’s your choice. Remember, the kind of life you want, it’s something you must work on, it’s something you design. This means the misery that has become your friend and way of being because you feel so disappointed by life is something you chose.

Once we accept, learn and grow happiness begins to find its way into every moment of our lives. Life would be super boring without curves in the road and the wisdom gained with what I call wisdom nuggets of gold. In the long run, you will be better for it if you learn how to manage the ups and downs of life, the disappointments, small and big. It sucks losing a job or having the love of your life end an engagement…SUCKS! It’s hard to lose good friends or feel like you need to make new ones because your old friendships no longer work with where you are going. It’s hard to start a business and experience the many challenges and disappointments that are indeed inevitable for the entrepreneur.

All you can do is bravely face the challenges placed before you. Firstly, deal with the emotional disappointment. Get it out, maybe it’s time for you to get a journal? Write it down, let it out and breathe. Then figure out what’s next. If you can’t fix it then think of what you can do to walk over it or work around it so you can move on and move forward. Also, let go of the anger that is sometimes happily married to disappointment. You know what I mean, you’re disappointed and angry as hell. Just know, it’s hard to make good decisions when you are angry, when you don’t have a clear mind. I think we all saw this in 2016, a lot of angry reactive hopeless decision making with a detrimental outcome. Take a breather, but don’t take an angry year-long breather either! You know who you are, still pissed off about past disappointments…it’s time to get over it and get moving.

I can’t give you exact proof, no one can, that you have one life to live or if you will have another shot to do it better. That’s a complex topic and chat for another day. You’re currently living in this chance of possibilities, it’s up to you how it will be for you. Even with the unforeseen circumstances and disappointments. You will still have a lot of happiness, you really will, you just don’t pay attention to the good but it’s time that you did. The greatest test will always be the way you allow your mind to warp what is. How our mind can inflate small bumps and make them into big ones and ignore the real issues that need tending to. How you see the world and that mental noise that happens will dictate so much of your decisions.

I don’t know the hell you may be currently living, or the hell you have come out of but what I know is that there’s always a way. Wait, make sure your mind is clear. Bring yourself back to that space of love. I hope part of your life quest is finding true love within yourself so you can love and give great love to others. The answers will come to you with the lesson(s). Remember to be kind to yourself and please be kind even to those who may have disappointed you even from afar. One of our greatest challenges as human beings is learning how to deal with the wounded heart, the broken spirit. It’s a painful place to find yourself but it’s a place where you grow.

I feel it’s time for us to get real with the reality of disappointment. Look at it head on, because having the best life possible requires that we are one step ahead of this annoying but much-needed friend, disappointment. I don’t know what disappointments are weighing you down, but I want you to know that you are stronger than you think. That the good can outweigh the bad. You are better than anger. You are better than hate. You are better than fear. Just get up, take one step, if you fall get back up, there’s no other way and walk to where you need to get. Walk into wisdom, walk into happiness, walk into love. In the words of Carrie Fischer ” take your broken heart and make it into art”.





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Hanifa Sekandi

Founder & Editor-in-Chief Follow Me on Instagram @thethingsiwishiknew

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