When Self-Love Matters The Most

Whether you are coupled or single, self-love is one of the most important kinds of love everyone should strive to have. It’s great to have love from others, yes, the more love the better! But what’s happening with you? Are you compassionate when it comes to yourself? Or are you overly critical? You never think you’re good enough? Always looking for someone to make you feel love? It doesn’t matter how many people love you if you don’t love yourself first. It can be said that when we fail to love ourselves we find it hard to recognize good love and openly receive it. Sometimes, not loving yourself can manifest itself in the kind of company you keep and how these relationships play out.

I often here women, I can’t speak on behalf of the gents but will include a guys perspective on this topic, say that when I meet the love of my life I will be happy. When I am in love again or if he loves me then I will be happy. Yes, I am a firm believer in the idea that “all we need is love”, in the end, this sentiment will always hold true. We need to give love and always come from a place where love lives and not fear and anger, that’s your ego at work. As much as we need to receive and experience love from a lover, a friend, a mother, a father, a brother, a sister…you decide. We need to apply this to ourselves and work on it on a daily basis. It doesn’t matter how fantastic you think you are, it’s hard to really love someone who doesn’t love themselves. A who person dwells in a space of self-hate and anger. That energy is always felt by those around you and you often attract individuals who are in the same space. Two beings living in a personal unloving space, coming together to create a bigger unloving space. People often wonder why their relationships have so many problems. They ask, why can’t you just love me the way I want to be loved? Why can’t I just have it my way? Well, I want to know and I ask you this, why can’t you love yourself the way you want to be loved?


What’s In The Mirror?

If the mirror image theory is correct, those relationships that we have with others are a reflection of what they see in us, a vibrational exchange? Then what do you think someone sees in you? What do you think you will get back in response to that. In addition, what do you give back in response to what you see and feel? Are you looking for love? Well, let’s start with, what’s happening with you? If finding happy loving relationships is your big goal this year or for the rest of your life. You will have to do the work needed to make this happen. It’s time to get real with yourself, dissect your life diligently so you can unearth what’s stopping you from experiencing the love I know you deserve.


Self- Sabotage

We all do this, we get in the way of ourselves for some reason. Sometimes it’s as a result of negative experiences or something someone said. Words are quite powerful but remember you can rewrite the book and change the dialogue that’s going on in your head. You have to start operating from a space where you know and feel that “you are enough”. You have to live this ideal day in and day out. Whatever struggles you may be going through, don’t for one-second fall into the false belief that you’re not good enough and don’t let anyone tell you this. In fact, since you’re on the path to long-term self-love, a relationship that you shouldn’t and in my opinion can’t live without. Get rid of those who either say you’re not good enough (we have all experienced someone like this) or make you feel like you’re not good enough. It’s one of the ways we sabotage ourselves and don’t realize it. I have talked about adding more feng shui to your life and this process involves letting go of unhealthy relationships, this includes friendships as well. It’s time to place yourself in a healthy environment so your mind can feed off of this energy and thrive. It’s time to spend time with people who are working on self-love and giving love back so your soul can thrive.


No Comparisons 

Stop comparing yourself to others. Your life will never look like theirs, you will never look like them, feel like them, that’s just not how it’s supposed to be. We are all unique beings here to fulfill our purpose and we must do it with love. I know with the Instagram culture, everyone is looking to the other to see glimpses of what the “perfect” day looks like or what the perfect body, the perfect meal or perfect anything should look like. Envy is another form of self-sabotage, don’t confuse it with admiration and aspiration. To admire someone is the idea that you appreciate them and you feel inspired by the way they go about things in life. When you aspire to be like someone, it’s not that you want to be them, it’s more so that you want to travel on the same wavelength as them but know this will look different for you yet still amazing. When we envy people, sometimes this leads to the I am not good enough feeling. The why them?…and why not me? We have all been here and it’s not a good place to stay too long.


Shift Focus

It’s time to shift focus. It’s time to look inward. It’s time to start doing the work. What do you need to change in order to live the life you desire? What do you need to change in order to feel good about yourself? Make this a priority. Whether it’s getting back to a healthy lifestyle, or starting one for the first time. Slowly add the good things, activities, hobbies and goals that are shaped around you coming to a place of self-love. Move away from critical thinking. Stop harshly criticizing yourself and stop harshly criticizing others. Yes, you have to be happy for others in order to also feel happiness within there’s no separation. Wake up every day like you are going to have the best day regardless of the events whether good or bad that happen that day and go to bed saying at least three good things that you liked about your day. In addition, throughout the day, maybe put this on your phone alarm, say “I am amazing”, “I am love”, “I am deserving”, “I can be anything I want to be”, and lastly “I love myself”. Your self-love mantra, has to be a daily practice. It has to become a habit and just part of everything you do. I am sure you have heard people say “do it with love”, whatever it is you do and you will feel truly rewarded. Well, live with love and you will be rewarded in the best way.


No Days Off! 

Valentine’s Day is a hard day for some. For some, it’s a reminder that they’re alone, not married or in a crap relationship (you picked them). Maybe, you find yourself getting attached to individuals who are always unavailable which means you most likely won’t have the best Valentine’s Day. None of this won’t matter if you already feel love within. You won’t let it phase you and may realize it’s time to let go of the unavailable or unhealthy relationship, another form of self-sabotage and another way we show ourselves that we don’t love ourselves. Remember self-love is a daily practice so there’s no day on the calendar blocked off for self-depreciation and self-hate, this includes Valentine’s Day! Sorry to break it to you! If it’s just going to be you, then spend the day doing something you love to do. Pamper yourself, nourish your mind and body. Make the intention of love something that shines from within outward. Know that you are worthy and if you get through the hard part, loving you. You will in time meet the right self-loving person and together you will make this love grow.

Author Description

Hanifa Sekandi

Founder & Editor-in-Chief

Comments are closed.