What is your Love Potential?

I can remember different times in my life when someone told me that I had potential. They saw that if I put in a little extra time and effort I could take that potential (whatever it was at the time..for me it’s always been something creative) and turn it into something great. They could see that “something” or as the French say “je ne sais quoi”. All it needed was a little nurturing and care. If I went home every day, practiced, studied the greats and learned from them this small gift, these small talents that were bestowed upon me could manifest into something far greater than what they currently were. If you are an athlete you understand that it’s not just about being good at something. It’s also about the amount of time you spend honing in on that talent or skill. Although, it may come natural to you and you may be better at it than the person next to you. You will come to understand as you continue in that sport that the only way to truly reach your potential is if you put in the work. That talent may be a given but greatness will only occur if you understand that potential means you possess something worth mastering. The beauty about potential is that you are the master of what that potential can transform into. What you do or what you don’t do will determine the end result.

I feel like this ideal also fits into the “how to build a good relationship” blueprint. Why? Well, there is that thing…You know instantly when you meet someone, (you know that gut feeling) if it’s something worth pursuing. On a simple level you will feel it, it’s that simple. Maybe after the first date or maybe even after a few months of getting to know them you will know whether or not there is potential for growth. Once, you get past the attraction, at the primal level of it all, something in you will either say no this is where it stops or your inner voice will say “I see potential”. When you are at this stage, the I see potential stage, it’s where you begin to put in the time and effort to make it work. Just like everything else in life, yes, you have to put in the work, time and effort into a potential lasting relationship. The trick is to start where you are and build from there. Don’t focus on the end goal. Don’t look at the finish line and what life might look like when you get there. Yes, you can have a goal in mind, but as you know (since you have worked on mastering your potential in other aspects of your life) you can’t fixate on something you currently can’t see.

A lot of women talk about the things they want in a relationship. They have this long list of criteria and sometimes miss out on the potential of a great relationship. They have the end goal in mind and how this should look like. I am sure women aren’t the only ones who keep a list. I have no idea what men want, to be honest. There is nothing wrong with relationship goals; we all have them. We all want to end up in a healthy strong relationship. In order to achieve this end, you must plant the seed for growth and continually nourish it so it will grow. It’s kind of like planting a garden. A master gardener understands that it takes time, patience and dedication but once the seed is planted you go from there. I feel compelled to talk about this because I feel like too many people are focused on things that don’t matter when it comes to love. They look at people like a well-packaged commodity that looks good on a shelf and if something, even if it’s just one thing missing, they pass on it. They pass on the potential and fail to realize that surface wants are not the same as essential needs. Your wants pale in comparison to your needs; your need for authentic companionship. As time goes on you realize wants are continuously changing. Therefore, you can’t choose a partner based on something that will never sustain itself.

There are a lot of people in good relationships but complain about the wants they aren’t getting. Does he/she have a good job? Does he/she make a lot of money? What kind of watch is he wearing? (the last one is ridiculous but true, I have heard it before) Really?! What happened to do they have a good heart? Are they driven? Do they have integrity, respect, and loyalty? Are they living their purpose? This is what I have to say to you. Sure you can have everything you want (I am not saying there is anything wrong with the nicer things in life) but getting what you need is a far greater challenge. Focus on the potential where needs can be fulfilled. This is why I believe you should start where you are and build from there. Build a life together and continuously work to sustain the needs that will keep you happy, healthy and spiritually strong. The wants, they will come and go but what you have is something worth working for. Something worth putting in the time, effort and love. This is what you NEED to do if you are looking for love in the right way. Don’t run from potential (you know what I mean) because something else looks a little glossier on the outside. We all know this battle between what looks good and what feels right. Always go with what feels right and I hope this leads you in the right direction.

If you really think about what you need. What you need is someone who you can grow with. Just like building dreams, building a house or building anything really. You must set the foundation, but before that you have to draw up the blueprint. From here you carefully put together the pieces one by one. Along the way there may be some small bumps or things you didn’t see coming but you find ways to work with it or work around it. What drives you to keep going is the potential. Knowing that if you stay committed and have faith it will all work out. I believe it always works out as it should, if we are honest with ourselves and stay true to our needs.

When you look back on your life…and I hope your life is beautiful and long. I hope you have everything you want but mostly I hope you have all the love you have ever needed in this life. This is what’s important and it will never change. Know that the potential of great love is worth it. You know what I mean. I don’t have to over explain this to you. You know the difference between a good thing and a bad thing; a real thing. You also know that you are your best investment and have the potential to live a great life. This great potential also exists where love is concerned and this is a need you must never neglect.


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Hanifa Sekandi

Founder & Editor-in-Chief Follow Me on Instagram @thethingsiwishiknew

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