I was talking to a good friend of mine about love and relationships. We were talking about the importance of LOVE EQUALITY in a relationship. One of the things my friend said to me is “just prepare yourself that he may not love you the way you want to be loved”. I can’t seem to get that out of my mind. It wasn’t something I thought about up until that conversation. The idea that someone you desire may never give you the kind of love you feel you need. What a painful thought?! You should never go into anything new thinking…you might not love me the way I want. But it’s a truthful reality that many of us avoid.
I find myself thinking about this a lot lately. What is love equality? What does it mean to love equally? In addition, on what scale can one weigh love on? A lot of women will agree with me when I say that there is a saying that we have all been told: “He must love you more in order for the relationship to last”. This is a saying many women have held on to and often find themselves conflicted when in a relationship where the love scale is not balanced or tilted heavily in their favour. This, in turn, causes a lot of frustration and self-doubt. What I will say is that it is time to shut that old saying down. It’s ridiculous and sets you up for unnecessary heartbreak.
Before you can fully love anyone else, let alone receive love from someone you must love yourself first. It’s very cliché, but it’s very TRUE. There is nothing worse than trying to give love to someone who doesn’t love themselves. They will be too lost in their self-loathing and entitlement to notice a good thing when it’s in front of their face. We can all recognize this person because at one point in time it was YOU. So before you go out into the world seeking love take a good look at yourself in the mirror. It’s the first place you should start. Of course, this is a job you will have to stay on top of for the rest of your life (Sorry to break the news to you, but someone has to). That little negative voice in your head loves to work against you but you can out smart it if you recognize it and fight back. Just know loving you first is absolutely worth it.
You are now ready to accept love and welcome it with an open heart. You have spent time working on you and facing all your inner love demons and found a good way to give yourself love. You know when you are ready and it feels good. Maybe you just started dating someone new or you have been seeing someone for quite some time. You are in love with them. Are they in love with you? That’s a question only you can find the answer to. I clearly can’t answer that. But what I will say and what I have learned, and it took time for me to see this. Is that people show you love the best way they know how to. That doesn’t mean they love you less or more. This is how they show you they care and if you spend too much time analyzing it you will never feel satisfied or truly loved. It’s matter of whether or not you want to accept the way they love; their love language. Is this the right partnerships for you? Is this the right person for you? You can also show people how you receive love, how you would like to be loved by showing them through action. It’s important that you are open to receive new kinds of love. You have your way and they have their way and both ways of loving can coexist together beautifully. If you are looking for someone to love you the way you love because you feel your way is the best. You are better off by yourself. Sorry, actually no I am not. It’s not fair to project that onto someone else. It’s not fair to assume that your way of loving the only way to go about expressing love. I definitely don’t think you should lower your standards or accept less either. Sometimes we match up with the wrong people. This could be why you are in constant emotional conflict when you are in a relationship. Find a partner that is on the same page as you. Find a partner that desires to give you the type of relationship you seek.
Think about it this way, people learn by seeing and when you notice the person you are with does thoughtful things to show you their love. You may, in turn, realize that this is one of the ways they express love and return love to them in the same way. Just by being open and observing you become open to this new way of love. But if you are looking for complete love equality. For example, there are some people who equate love with gift giving. I buy you gifts…where’s mine? Where are my flowers? Well, maybe he is the kind of guy who prefers to cook you a nice dinner? Maybe the way he shows you his love is by making you something or building that shelf you keep talking about. This is how he demonstrates his love.
In the end, does it really matter? Ask yourself if you are happy when you are with this person. Are you? If you aren’t then it really isn’t about them and it really isn’t about love now, is it? In the pursuit of love and happiness, your greatest pursuit should be the love and happiness that you can create with yourself. I think when you get this right you will only foster a relationship with someone who compliments you emotionally. It’s all about how you feel and if it feels good; you know it’s right. Not all the grand gestures will overpower an honest feeling of being in love and openly receiving love. So when you wonder whether or not the man/women you are with loves you more than you love them? Does it really matter? No one should ever love you more than you love yourself. Got it! This doesn’t mean they can’t love you to the moon and back and with their whole heart; they can and they will. It just means you need to give them a chance to do so in the best way they know how while teaching them your love language as your relationship blossoms. When you are ready to welcome love with another being in your life, you will know that their kind of love is more than what you need. Why? Because you give yourself what you need every day and they’re just an extension of this. It’s bonus love.