The Complex Laws of Attraction

I have always wondered if there is any truth to this. These laws of attraction that bind us to one person over another. There are times when I thought the laws were a mess because they weren’t working in my favour. Whether there is a formula or a law, what I will say is that attraction, what attracts one to someone is the most complex thing, not even science can decode.

I can think of all the reasons I have liked someone. Many of those reasons felt valid at the time. During that time I believed that some hidden force had conspired for us to be; me and a once significant other. I also think of how far gone you can be, when you want to believe something exists when in reality it doesn’t. That the object of your desire is the one for you. Back then it was based on a list. It was based on surface levels things; I held onto what I thought just had to be. It never occurred to me that one day I would have to rely on how it feels. The way I feel about someone, the feeling that touches you to the core, a feeling that goes beyond reason. It goes beyond your conclusions and some ridiculous idea of this perfect person you have constructed in your mind. The feeling over powers those silly thoughts. The thoughts and notions that made you stick around too long in a relationship, because it just sucked. You two were like oil and water but yet you held on. It didn’t feel great being with said person, something in you was off. I guess maybe in this sense science comes into play; it’s your instincts. Your instincts are very important in mate selection and they help you discern between a good and bad idea; they’re kind of hard to ignore…aren’t they.

There will come a day, when you no longer want to feel sick. Or off balance I should say. There will come a day when you want to hold hands with someone based more so on how it feels. How you feel and if it doesn’t make you feel good. If it doesn’t feel right, then you will let go. I don’t mean this on a superficial level. As you know, I am a strong believer in finding happiness on your own first before you add someone else into the equation. I also recognize that there are a lot of people in relationships that leave them feeling sick and insecure but have reasoned they have no other alternative but to stay. No matter how good it looks on paper; who cares if everyone else would die to be with said person. It’s just not working out for you on many levels and you can’t forever ignore the negative feelings this current union comes with. This doesn’t mean it’s your fault or their fault. What doesn’t work for you may work quite well for someone else. You need to accept this.

The laws of attraction can’t be written down. It’s hard to describe that all knowing feeling. But you just know, when you know and this is all you will ever need to know. I wish it was simple. I wish could give you a list and say here, this will help you understand the laws of love and attraction. Maybe there would be less divorces? I don’t know. What I do know, is that if you want something that lasts you have to really dig deep and be REAL. Secrets you keep from your lover will always come to light and who you really are cant be cloaked in a lie forever.

I think if there is one law we should subscribe to, it is trust your instincts. There is something to be said about the power of your instincts. When reason doesn’t make sense, look deep; seriously. I hear so many people complain about their partners. Complaining about the love they thought they wanted but really in fact never had. I listen to these stories and lately I have taken them in like a sponge. Perhaps, I see myself in them. I see how lost I once was, caught up in an idea or some theory I read in a magazine of what constitutes the perfect mate. How I can make the laws work in my favour. But then, I think to myself. Oh wait, real life involves a whole lot of thinking, but the root of all of it is how if feels. You can rationalize your way through a math equation, but life…love isn’t for the rational mind. You can’t make sense of that kind of realness. You can’t draw it on a diagram. I am sure those who have been married for many years will tell you this. There are so many reasons that they were able to hold it all together and still feel love, respect and compassion for one another after 25 years. By no means do I think any relationship is perfect but I do think that if you are in a relationship that starts to break you down in negative way at the very core of your being. This is not a good fit. Sure couples squabble, life would be dull living with someone who thought the exact same way as you did and didn’t teach you anything new. But at the core of it all, how you feel when all of this is happening, life together, is what will determine how long you will emotionally check-in. Simply put, you aren’t going to stay friends with someone who makes you feel like shit all the time, so this rule should apply when you are in a relationship. Even if he looks like Channing Tatum…I know so sad.


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Hanifa Sekandi

Founder & Editor-in-Chief Follow Me on Instagram @thethingsiwishiknew

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