I don’t think New Years resolutions ever really pan out for anybody. Meaning, I don’t think people generally stick to them. Okay, well maybe that’s not entirely true. You can stick to your New Years resolution(s) but I think you have a better chance of sticking to anything if it’s more of a life solution. A life solution that’s about improving your overall well-being, not just getting that great body or finally getting that dream man (it’s a myth..just kidding!); it’s about your inner well-being. How you feel on the inside will emanate brightly on the outside. If you don’t eat well it shows….if you lack self-confidence the eyes tell it all. However you feel, how you feel about yourself is going to dictate the kind of life you have and how you experience it. Rather than placing focus on a list of resolutions, we should think of an ongoing plan/solution to improve our lives and help us reach all our goals; no matter how hard they may seem at the onset.
We can all have, for the most part since nothing is perfect, the life we have always wanted. Only you stop this from happening. You know who you are, you’re the person who complains to their friends how you just don’t have the body you want, yet you sit on the couch more than walk and favour fully loaded nachos (nothing against nachos cause they’re good sometimes) instead of a healthy meal. Oh why oh why don’t you have that dream body. You conclude that one day, when this happens you will be the happiest person in the world. The truth is, even if you had the perfect body, the one you have visioned for yourself. You would still be unhappy. Why? Because the body must match the mind and how you feel will always outweigh how great you may look. Trust me I know, I think I have grown to understand this quite well. I understand how appearances can fool those around you and even yourself. It’s like having the best day of your life but on the inside there’s a mini war going on inside that’s ready to bring you to your knees in despair. We are taught to be tough, just smile through the pain as it eats the goodness you possess from the inside out. Eventually you can’t hide anymore. Your soul has now revealed to you what you have always been feeling and now it’s just in plain view as you look in the mirror saying who are you; who am I. I don’t know this person. It really makes you realize, in spite of accomplishing all your goals, and sticking to that New Years reso you made last year. If the process doesn’t enliven you, help you grow and get you moving; the burn you feel in the pit of your stomach. It won’t really matter and you won’t enjoy it or give yourself a moment of gratitude. The ex-wife of Maurizio Gucci, Patrizia Reggiani, once said “I would rather cry in a Rolls-Royce, than laugh on a bike”. Well let’s say, you can be happy experiencing both modes of transportation if you spend the time to work on you. The only person you will have to accept and live with for the rest of your life is you (forever). The only person who can help you see and experience the changes you deeply desire is you. So simple I know. Easier said than done, but you can do it.
I am going to get a little personal here. Tell you a bit of a story. Well honestly not the whole story but some of it. Because it’s important for me to make sure I connect with you in an honest way. I also think it’s what you expect from me at this point and it’s a promise I made to you. About 8 years ago, when I was seeing a certain someone, I hopped on a 16 hour flight to go see them. Was I ever excited. I have to tell you nothing beats the pursuit of love, wrapped up in a little adventure. Don’t worry this wasn’t some random guy I met on the web, actually by this time we had known each other for 10 years. Probably, something I should have let go of years ago, but hey when you’re young. By the way, this chapter of my life has been closed for many years now. It feels good knowing that and I am quite happy it turned out as it did because that was not my story or I should say how my story was meant to unfold. It’s a chapter closed and wisdom gained. To cut the story short and essentially get to the point, I was pretty much stood up in a foreign country; yes. The sweet man, well I thought he was, invited me to come see him abroad in a foreign country, picked my hotel so it was literally walking distance from him…like pretty much next door. Stood me up, just to be a jackass. I know this because he contacted me years after to continue to be a jackass. The good news is, he has apologized and acknowledged his wrong doings and I have forgiven and moved on. I honestly, sincerely wish him well. But what I will tell you, is that I was really quite traumatized by that whole experience. It was devastating and left me feeling numb, a little dead on the inside for many years. I sucked it up and pretended. I was embarrassed because everyone knew, my family, my friends, the people I worked with. I clearly couldn’t lie about it nor did I dare speak about it to anyone. It was the thing that happened but didn’t happen. But it fucking happened and it was horrible. What I didn’t realize then, which I know now and ironically this site is called the things I wish I knew.
I wish I knew, that it was okay to be sad. It was okay to be vulnerable and talk about it. It was okay to be angry and that I didn’t have to pretend to be iron woman. I don’t care who you are, man, woman, what have you, not every situation in life requires you to suck it up. Particularly if it has to do with your spiritual well-being. YOU are everything and the most important person you can ever give to yourself. Before you can give to others, you must make sure you are okay, that you are well. The happiness you gain in this life is not a matter of your wealth, it’s a matter of you internal health; your mental well-being. Do what ever is needed to make you well first. Do what you need to do to heal yourself so you can truly let go of the past. The past can make you sick, it’s a cancer that will spread, if you don’t face it and let go. It’s not selfish to make yourself a priority if this is what’s needed. Make time for meditation, where you can connect with yourself. Whether life is going just as you want it or you are in transition and working towards getting to where you need to be emotionally. Your life solution, the best solution that will keep you on track and actually help you accomplish goals is to take care of yourself. Do the things that nourish the mind and that will in turn nourish the body. You are what you eat, but more so you are who you think you are. You are what you feel.
No goal or resolution is worth accomplishing if it’s attached with negative feelings. Seriously, it won’t really matter if you haven’t gotten yourself in check. You haven’t taken the time to take care of you. YOU need to do this. While your running on the treadmill (the gyms are packed in Jan), your new goal is to get fit, make sure you’re doing the work to get spiritually fit, mentally fit. This is what will help you stick to it long-term since a healthy lifestyle is not an option, as we all know it’s a requirement. Sit down with you, get to the root of where all your desires come from. Whether your looking for a new career path, or you have decided to go back to school, looking for companionship or starting a new business venture. Just remember not to get lost in the pursuit of it all. We can sometimes become so blinded by the conquest that we often forget the journey is where all the magic happens. We can get so blinded by what we want to see, we leave the most important element by wayside, YOU.
So I wish you all an amazing and magical 2016. Remember to embrace the journey. Remember to take those important moments needed in life to sit with yourself and do a quick “how am I feeling, how am I doing” check up. Do something just for you and then, even better share something special with someone else, even if it’s a quick phone call to say “hello”….I think Adele was trying to tell everyone something. Pick up the phone, yeah no no, I don’t mean text. Give someone a call – Actually see them in person. You get what I am saying. Let’s get connected with ourselves, let’s connect with each other and more than ever let’s spread love.