Sex and the City Myths & Lessons: Single Secrets

I have never moved in with someone I am dating but I know eventually this is something I will experience. I am a little traditional…okay more than a little because in my mind I imagine that the person I move in with will be my spouse. I am not really into the whole common-law thing. For some people it works very well and I think this is great. So whatever works for you..go for it! I can’t say never though, life has a good way of shaking things up so I always say expect the unexpected. Until then I am happy living the single life in my own space. When you live on your own you create an environment that suits your sensibility. You also have secret rituals that you do when you are alone. For Carrie she liked to stand in her kitchen, spread saltine crackers with jam, stack them and eat them. This was something she enjoyed doing while no one was looking; it was her thing. In Charlotte’s case she liked to study her pores in her circular vanity mirror. Since, she got married she stopped doing this because she didn’t want her husband to catch her.

In this episode Carrie and Aiden are moving in together for the first time. They have decided to combine her place and the apartment next door together. Until the renovations are complete her and Aiden, and all his stuff are confined to her small apartment. During this time they begin to discover things about each other such as Aiden use of Rogane, his deodorant collection and Carrie’s shopping addiction. Carrie is overwhelmed by Aiden’s presence. Of course she loves him, but she misses coming home to her quiet apartment where she can just think and relax. Instead each day she is greeted by Aiden who always seems to have something to say.

According to Charlotte once you are married there are things you used to do when you are single that you can’t do in front of your significant other. This got me thinking…how much do we change ourselves in order to keep our little odd habits a secret, particularly one’s we enjoy? And why? Are there things that you are keeping from your partner? Do you think they would think differently of you? Of course, there are certain things you do in private that should stay where they are between you and you only. There are some couples who share everything, I mean EVERYTHING!. I have heard stories of ladies who allow their boyfriends to give them a monthly Brazilian. Why go to the spa when you have a personal aesthetician on hand? I am not into this idea and this is a ritual that will only take place at the spa in my case. At the same token the same girl who is so free will also refuse to do other things that may seem trivial to others in front of her partner. I guess there is no scale to weigh what should remain private and what one can openly share. Since, we all come up with our own boundaries. Once you live together you will notice that the control you once had over your personal space no longer exists. That Saturday night ritual of sitting on the couch eating cupcakes and drinking beer from time to time may not look so good. Besides, as far as he is concerned you are the beacon of health and wouldn’t dare shove all of that down your throat at once. At this point he has only seen you drink a light gin and soda and consume the occasional cupcake. Cupcakes and beer you say? You must try this! Get a cold Sapporo and QUALITY cupcake from a bakery. I get mine from Urban Herbivore in Toronto or Sweets From The Earth (Vegan Cupcakes that are so good, you don’t want to share ever even with your boo).


So the above, is my secret. I am clearly not ashamed because I am sharing it with you. But it’s just one of the many things that I do when I am alone in the comfort of my own space. Like many of you I also have my morning ritual; how I like to start my day. Right now I don’t share a shower with anyone but this ritual will be interrupted once I live with someone I am sure. Maybe he will notice that I take way too long to get ready in the morning and ask why I must watch the news while doing so. This may clash with his desire to start his mornings off with some feel good music to get the day started. I am a little OCD…okay a lot! I like my bathroom to be spotless and nothing on the counters. So throughout the day I will clean my bathroom a few times. He may be the complete opposite in how he creates a space for him to feel comfortable in. He may do things in private that he would rather I didn’t see. As time goes on, you can’t keep everything a secret. You will have to let your guard down a little, unless you have a giant house that allows you to contain all your secret rituals in one corner just for yourself. I also assume that Saturdays will come and go and eventually I won’t be able to take it anymore and I will ask him if he fancies a cupcake and a Sapporo. I will also have a day when I can’t be bothered to do it myself and ask him to dye my grey hairs…no that’s pushing it. Ladies, do one thing…keep your allure and don’t let him see your beauty secrets. Not happening! What I am trying to say is…you are allowed to keep certain things to yourself. This is quite alright. You don’t have to give it all away to give in to love and a solid partnership with someone. So keep some of it to yourself. Keep the parts of yourself that are for you only so you don’t loose too much of what makes you unique in the first place. I would also like to add: Do you really need to do everything in front of each other?! In partnership there is balance and with that you respect the person you are with enough to give them space so they can just be and do whatever it is they do in the bathroom for an hour.

At the end of this episode, I was happy to see Charlotte get back to what she loved doing. Looking at herself in her vanity mirror and getting a nice close-up of her pores. So I encourage you to keep the rituals that you hold close to your heart, the one’s that give YOU pleasure. During those brief moments when your partner is away and you can be alone stack your saltine crackers with jam and eat them all at once or grab a cold beer and eat a cupcake. If they catch you while in the act it’s okay! They will love you for it and mostly appreciate the fact that you continue to be your authentic self. This will also encourage them to do the same. Nothing beats someone who is comfortable in their own skin.

Photo courtesy of: giphy.com

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Hanifa Sekandi

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