Sex and the City Myths & Lessons: Not That Into You

I am sure most of you have seen the movie “He’s just not that into you” or have heard this phrase many times. Well if you didn’t know, the writer of this book (which later became a movie), also wrote for Sex in the City. In this episode Berger (FYI: I am not a fan of him) meets Carrie’s friends for the first time over drinks. Miranda decides to share the details of her last date. A date she believed went extremely well. She mentions that her date declined her invitation up to her place because he had an early meeting but he promised Miranda that he will call her. According to Berger, Miranda was fooling herself, because in the words of Berger “he’s just not that into you”. Berger goes on to say that if a man likes you he will make time. It doesn’t matter how busy or tired he may be; when a man likes a women he will become available. Of course Carrie and Charlotte disagree, as most girls would. They reassure Miranda he will call and not to worry, Berger doesn’t know what he is talking about. Berger tells them he thinks Miranda’s date will send her an email saying he is busy, in other words brushing her off. Later that week, Miranda receives that email, Berger was right. She is upset and half relieved.

Now, dating has become a lot more complicated than it was before. Our not so smartphones have made us a little stupid. We have entered the dumb dating era where our best conversations are with our thumbs and an often overly bright screen (someone needs to do a study on eye health and phone use). We don’t know how to talk to each other. What’s worse, we don’t know how to tell if someone is or isn’t interested. It’s not as clearcut as it may seem. Yes, it is true if you are interested in someone you will make time but sometimes it’s more a matter of timing than time. Sometimes you meet the right person but your life is chaotic. They are unexpected and you know that if you take time away from what you are doing it will fall apart. You also weigh the risk factor. Or ask yourself: Do I want to make time for this? Is it worth the effort and time? We are a career driven generation and we love living the good life. That means you have to work hard to live the life you want. More time than ever is spent on self-aggrandizement in every way whether it be material or financial gain. We are an “I” nation of phone junkies who can’t remember what a dial tone sounds like. I would say Miranda was the lucky one. Sending an email, unless it’s work related, is too much work these days. I think some of us even find it difficult to spell the word okay and opt to abbreviate it to a simple “K”. We have grown farther away from one another. This has led us to become a lot more closed off.

When I go out with my girls and meet other singles in the city (Toronto). I realize that everyone really is looking for somebody but doesn’t know how to find that somebody. Every now and then you bump into that guy you went on a date with who tells you they thought you weren’t interested because they never heard from you. The truth is you were, but you read that book, and concluded if he hasn’t done A,B,C & D he just isn’t that into me. Sometimes it’s true, he may not be into you. Other times it’s not true. What’s my point? For example, I have been into someone before but out of fear or what ever reason I had at that time (who knows why now) decided not to see them. For my own reasons, whatever they may be I kept my distance. I guess I am saying this because it isn’t always about you, but it’s about them and where they are in their life. There are many factors that come into play as to why it isn’t happening right now or why it may never happen. It is true that you can be quite into someone but your life doesn’t accommodate them at that particular time or never will.

So what I am saying is take this saying “he’s/she’s just not that into you” with a grain of salt. Just know that there is a grey area. I have passed up on some good ones because I wanted to focus on other things at that time. In addition, don’t be afraid to reach out before you make any conclusions. We all have our guard up, so you have to put yourself out there in order to find out what the deal is. It might end up being a nay…or a yay I am into you too! If they’re not into you don’t take it personal. It is what it is. If it’s meant to be, it will be. If you’re looking for a relationship or something a little more genuine and serious and they aren’t and they tell you this don’t spend your time trying to decipher all the reasons they feel this way. Let it go. Rejection sucks, it’s apart of life and a bitter closed off heart isn’t the answer either. That guy/girl may show up again in your life, when they are ready and show you how into you they are.  If they don’t, then it’s all good. Do not put your life on hold, keep it moving. You have to believe that when the time is right it will all fall into place. Love will happen! It’s happening and it’s abundant, true story! Maybe with the person in question (for the hopeless romantic) or someone new. Just remember to be open and vulnerable. Don’t beat yourself up. You’re great and someone special will see this. You have to seriously let go. It’s amazing what comes into your life when you are open to the process . When you are open to endless possibilities.


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Hanifa Sekandi

Founder & Editor-in-Chief Follow Me on Instagram @thethingsiwishiknew

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