Sex and the City Myths & Lessons: Do You Believe In Fate?

In this episode Carrie is single, she is no longer with Aiden or BIG. BIG is back in town but he’s moving to tend to his vineyard in Napa Valley. Carrie can’t imagine why anyone would leave New York, BIG says “why not?”. I agree with him. You can’t stay stuck forever, wherever you live. Yes, home is where your heart may always be but you can create a home anywhere. Life’s a journey and you will never know what possibilities may lie before you if you don’t leave the boundaries of your backyard, town, country or city. One of the things I think everyone should do, if you can, is travel. It doesn’t have to be abroad either. Explore the province, country or state you live in. It’s amazing what you see when you push beyond your limits.

During this episode, Carrie wonders if everyone we meet in life is fated. She wonders whether or not the choices we make both the good and bad ones determine how these fated encounters manifest. She asks “Can you make a mistake, can you miss your fate?” Maybe she missed her chance to make things work with BIG? Maybe her choice to be with Aiden at the time was another missed fated opportunity that the universe handed her; to be with her one true love, BIG. In addition, Carrie wonders if the people you meet, specifically, the one’s you love, the one’s you date, if this is already set up for you. It just a matter of whether or not you recognize it. Each decision leading to a different path but you ultimately decide which path to take.

I am sure you can think back to many decisions you have made, both in life and love. The people you have met and the choices you made. So many missed opportunities, perhaps, yet so many great things that have come out of that fated encounter, decision. Right now, we’re talking about love but this also applies to anything in life. That job, or that someone in the room you met who could have helped you with your career aspirations – all fated encounters.

Do we often miss the opportunity when love is standing right in front of us? How many times have we missed it? Them? How many times have we given the wrong person the chance, although our gut said it wasn’t a good idea. Sometimes the powers that be will keep presenting the same opportunity (or person) in front of you over and over again. A different season, year, day, hour, second and there they are again. You bumped into them at a party, at the grocery store, on a plane, walking down the street in a different country but there they are again. A fated encounter placed in your life for a reason. A reason that only you can discover if you’re open, when your mind is right and when you can see it clearly.


Sex and the city carrie bradshaw
SATC (credit:HBO)


I am sure you have heard the phrase “the one that got away”. Well, they got away because you most likely let them go. You had your reasons at the time and you have to live with that decision. I know many people feel this way, they look back and say well, that was a mistake, I just didn’t see it then. Hence, the things I wish I knew. We can also see things as Carrie puts it: “perhaps, our mistakes, make our fate. The one’s you love are always in your heart” she says. Sure, this sounds great. Probably the best way to accept what is. Sometimes you just can’t go back. We often regret the choices we make, particularly the ‘wrong ones’, some say what’s wrong is what’s right. What’s wrong will teach you a lesson and hopefully steer you in a better direction. We wonder what would have been. We spend nights up agonizing over what we could have done differently, all of a sudden it’s a crystal clear now. Where was this clarity back then? Sometimes we get so swept away by the chaos of our wants and desire we don’t see the other dreams happening in the moment. We don’t see the magic and the possibility of the people, the love we always wanted and will definitely one day yearn for.

What we do know, is that each choice leads you somewhere, even the one’s you regret. What do you do now? You have to learn. One of your great challenges in life is to be present and one of our greatest lessons is to be present. It’s when we are present we can create the best things, it’s when we are present we see what’s good for us and what has been gifted to us; even love’s potential. Cease the gifts.

So do you believe in fate? How can you not? Yes, it’s true some things are just destined. Just like the people, we are meant to meet. I am sure you have a few stories to tell me about fated encounters. The guy in your elementary school class who you never spoke to and meet again years later at a party you weren’t planning on going to and end up dating. A year later, looking back, now it all makes sense. Stories like this, are a reminder that nothing is haphazard. One way or another those who are meant to be will be placed together, hopefully, they will recognize this. I can think of many people I have met throughout the years who ‘seem to keep’ popping back into my life, even if I decided that I was done with them. I can think back on the things I thought I wanted years ago, choices I made as a result of those desires in that moment. Choices that prevented me from seeing the magical dreams that were already happening in my present moment. All of this is a lesson. The key is to understand this sooner than later because when you get it, you get it right.

Here I am, here we are. I will tell you I am glad that those fated encounters and the choices made in the moment have brought me here. Of course, there are a few fated encounters, looking back know, with all the things I know now that were only meant to last for a second, a very very small season. Damn, let me tell you! This is why you should hold on but don’t be afraid to let go. Some people come into our lives to teach us something, we also teach them something; just a short season. Others are in our lives for the long haul, even if there are ebbs and flows that separate you. Some streams eventually meet in the same ocean, there are people in your life now that will be apart of your life forever. I am sure you intuitively know who they are, if not life will find a way to show you. Yes, it’s true, well I believe, some things are just destined. However you got there, you got there. Just like some people are just meant to meet. It’s what we do in those moments that define our lives, and change our lives forever.

Love can be destined. The magic can appear right before your eyes and maybe when it’s happening you are not ready to see it. I hope you do. We don’t always get a redo. When we are present, we recognize the importance of nourishing the relationships with the people we meet, even if we don’t get it at the time. It’s okay to have a plan but your life happens moment to moment. It’s in those moments when fated encounters happen. It’s in those moments when the sparks of love are ignited. It’s in those moments that we can kill them as well.

So I know you are wondering, well how they hell do I know? You know. Trust your intuition, listen to your gut, that good o’l gut feeling. We spend so much time trying to manipulate time to make it look the way we want it to look. Learning later we can’t control everything and no outcome is exactly how we imagined it, even if it’s spectacular. All the people in our lives are meant to be there, it’s just a matter of how in tune you are and how you work with what’s given to you…this is your choice. Each choice leads to another fated moment, hopefully, it’s the one you have always wanted, the one that’s destined to be.



Cover Courtesy: HBO

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Hanifa Sekandi

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