Sex and the City Myths & Lessons: Being Single In A Married World

In this episode Carrie visits her married friends Peter and Patience in the Hamptons. According to Carrie, Peter and Patience are the perfect married couple; a couple she admires. The next morning Carrie bumps into Peter in the hallway. Peter isn’t wearing any pants (Peter claims he was on his way to the bathroom). Clearly, Peter doesn’t know that this isn’t appropriate when you have a guest in the house…ugh!.  Carrie tells Patience who gets upset and sends Carrie back home to the city right away. Carrie doesn’t understand why Patience is mad since nothing happened. Why is she mad at Carrie?!

This leads Carrie to wonder if married women are threatened by single women. Are single women an enemy to married women? Should married women trust their single friends? One thing that’s true, is that you rarely see your married girlfriends once they tie the knot. It seems that after they get married they prefer to hang out with married couples. You become the ‘other’ in a room full of married women who cruelly mark you with a giant scarlet ‘S’ on your forehead. There’s an uncomfortable energy in a room full of married women if you’re single and their husbands are present. As if you want their husband anyway, you had no interest in him when he was single so why is she so threatened?!! Why do married women assume that you want their husband? Perhaps it’s their husband that wants you? Do single women possess something that married women envy? If so, were they not single once themselves? Didn’t they possess the same enviable quality? This is something that has never made sense to me. I know what you are going to say, there are women that go after married men. Let’s not put all the blame on the single girl at the bar looking for love. Seriously, let’s not continue to blame the other woman.  He is married after all, I am sure he is well aware of this, he was there with her the day he said I do. Although, I think it’s your responsibility as a single woman to have some respect, married men are off-limits. It doesn’t matter how nice he is and how horrible he says his wife is, that’s not your issue.


“Being single used to mean that nobody wanted you. Now it means you’re pretty sexy and you’re taking your time deciding how you want your life to be and who you want to spend it with.”  – Carrie Bradshaw 


What I do want to note is that there is nothing wrong with being single. I think women need to understand this, there’s nothing wrong with you and everything in life has it’s time; your time will come at the right time hopefully with the right person. I wish married women with single friends would stop treating them like they are a giant wart. In fact there is a lot they can learn from each other. The longer you are married I am sure ( I am not married so I can only speculate) you forget what it’s like to be the single and carefree. Perhaps, you lost some of those qualities that attracted your mate in the first place. Or it could be that you let go of certain aspects of yourself to accommodate your partner. Maybe, your single friends are a reminder of this and if so see it as a good thing. Of course, having a partner in life is exciting as well, but it’s essentially different and there are quite a few changes that take place. It’s not just about you, now it’s about you and I; you’re a unit. It’s so easy to get lost in a relationship and it’s so easy to let go of the free-spirited person perhaps you once were. I believe you can still maintain aspects of your old self and spending time with your single friends is a good reminder. In fact, speeding time with your friends and having things you like to do outside of your marriage is beneficial for you and your partner. In addition, your single friend is obviously looking for what you have, a life partner and someone to share their lives with. So you shouldn’t feel threatened.

Remember back when you were single and you had all these crazy ideas about marriage? Well, experience has now taught you that you knew nothing then and probably still don’t know anything now. It’s all a learning process and you can’t plan the details of a marriage and what it will look like. What you can do is share your experience and offer some words of wisdom. Your friend will thank you for it and this will give you a new way to connect with them. There is nothing wrong with you if you are single. There is no need to rush into a relationship with the wrong person. You can only do this so many times and divorce is expensive and it certainly isn’t a good time. In the meantime, be the right person for yourself and someone great will come along. To all you married women out there stop being so cruel. It’s better to make the single girl your ally then your enemy (if you know what I mean).


Image: Everette Collection


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Hanifa Sekandi

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